Call of Duty SUCKS

Posted by on Wednesday, 19th January, 2011

My Life Away

If I were smart, I would stop playing Call of Duty. I would sell the discs and never go near any CoD game ever again.

Today was a good day. I got lots of papers graded, had some good discussions with students and colleagues, and generally felt great when I got home. “I know!” I said, like a fool. “I’ll go on COD and pwn some n00bz!” Two hours and seven infuriating TDM rounds later (in which I did not once have a positive K/D ratio) I am angry and hostile and gnashing my teeth in frustration.

It always goes like this: The thrill of CoD multiplayer is addictive. I expect to enjoy the thrill of getting kills and maybe (if I’m really lucky) a napalm strike or two. But β€” like a gambling addict wasting his life at a slot machine β€” the hideous negatives vastly outweigh the positive thrills, and I win just barely enough to keep me coming back for more ludicrously masochistic punishment. And then I lose and lose and die and lose, and heaven help me if I have a really bad round right before bedtime.

It just goes to show that I’m a really stupid and short-sighted person sometimes. I bet a heroin high is really thrilling too! And yet somehow I’m smart enough to recognize that the drawbacks to heroin use far outweigh the positives. So why can’t I stay away from CoD?

It’s that reptile brain appealed to by sex adverts and Rambo movies β€” a Pavlovian catering to the silliest, most self-delusional sectors of my imagination. My idiot CoD brain decorates the bedroom of my gaming memory with all the euphoric delights of awesome killstreaks and 23-6 rounds. And the much, much larger cache of agonizing fury that comes from the much, much more common 6-23 rounds are shoved into a tiny footlocker under the bed.

So as much as my rational mind recognizes that this is a ridiculous cycle from which I really should escape, I know that in two days (if I’m lucky), I’ll be back in the CoDiverse, cursing at the TV and getting mad for no good reason.

So it goes.

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  1. peterg73 says:

    I totally agree with Dukes sentiments – I played MW1 to death on Multiplayer (well, by my standards) and it was just one long frustration-fest. I levelled up, I scoured the net for hints and tips on each map but it always felt like everyone else knew game changing details I didn’t.
    Add to that the effect of constantly getting killed by players hiding in nooks and cranies, me dying after being hit by 1 bullet but sticking a couple of mags in an enemy did nothing. So I decided to leave it and never played a COD game again and I don’t miss it.
    I’ve enough stresses in the real world with work and family, to be wound up enough to want to throw the controller out the window but a stupid computer game.
    I discovered Borderlands and all was right with the world.

  2. Jonathan says:

    I just play with friends, the game is addictive online and it keeps you coming back for more but if there are no friends playing it, I play something less annoying.

    When you play with friends you won’t get annoyed, you just have a bit of laugh, although At risk of blowing my own trumpet brrrrrrrrrrp! I rarely ever finish in negative.

  3. woody says:

    Dont worry duke. Kicking my ass on uncharted this friday will bring back your mojo.

  4. TheDaddy says:

    All I can say is roll on next week baby!!!!!

  5. Quanrian says:

    Chinny I think it is safe to say you are far more calm then the majority of the people I have met from any continent πŸ˜›

    Duke just play with non-randoms and I guarantee you will enjoy the experience more, even in the worst game. I know I’m quite possibly the most obnoxious person to play games with but myself aside there are tons of people who play the game and will elevate you beyond the tedium of what you are doing and convert it into a social gathering. You are doing the right thing though, play different games and do not burn yourself out on a single experience no matter how good the initial high was.

    Maybe you should just fire up that other console you have neglected and spend time on that?

  6. Cudmoro says:

    I really hope the title/sub are in homage to the song Londinium, they reminded me of it right away.

    I want to play COD with you Duke, I suck like a $3 hooker (I’ve even changed to your joke money for effect) and swear a lot, but it’s a laugh.

  7. Chinny says:

    I really can’t take Call of Duty this seriously, maybe it’s because I’m awesome (lol). I won’t say that I never lose my temper but I rarely remember if I won or lost in a match.

    Step back Duke and only play with friends, I find my reasons for playing COD is to talk to my friends rather than play the game seriously.

  8. Bongo the Sane says:

    Dear God man Stu’s going to have field day with this.

    There are certain things you say out loud and this isn’t one of them.

    If you want to talk this way I’ll direct you to a good COD addicts forum where they openly admit that their positive KD is a fluke.


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